Wait, What Did They Just Say?

If I may return to pop music for a minute (I know the month is over. I just don't care), I'd like to discuss the song "Don't Trust Me" by the band 3oh!3 (I swear to God, Google says that is the band's name. I will judge them a bit based on that alone. In a negative way). This is getting quite a bit of airplay on the corporate pop behemoths that bestraddle this continent, owing allegiance only to ClearChannel and the almighty dollar. It features a laughable/terrible intro, featuring some low synths and a series of godawful lyrics sung at least 85 decibels louder than they merit. Let's ignore them completely. The song then goes into a fairly catchy chorus featuring the singer adopting a falsetto while the rest of the band goes for your basic four on the floor dance-rock beat. But this is just the first half of the chorus. Here, in full as played on the radio, are the lyrics for the second half. Breaks between lines are the band's, not mine.

Don't trust a
Never trust a
Don't trust a
Don't trust me

Those of you paying attention may have noticed that those are not, technically, complete sentences. Or even sentence fragments. With the beat of the song, if the radio is censoring a word there, that word is one syllable long. So here's a fun game you can play at home if you like: What one-syllable word that would require censoring would fit there? Google lyric searches are cheating. I have spent way more time than is healthy thinking about this, and haven't come up with anything that makes a lick of sense yet, so I am just about ready to conclude that the band got distracted in the middle of the songwriting process (Possibly by a shiny object) and forgot to finish writing the song itself. Somehow this did not hurt its (The song's) marketability. I suspect cash factors into this somehow.

But anyway, this is not even the most unfortunate part of the song. After we go verse/chorus/verse/chorus, per time-honored tradition, it is time for the bridge. Here now are the bridge lyrics, sung by what sounds like the collective extended family of the entire band, over solely a drumbeat (Yes, all the music is dropped to better allow us to focus on the poetry at hand):

Shoosh (sp? Shush? Shhhhhhhh?) girl/Shut your lips
Do the Hellen Keller/And talk with your hips

Now, I don't feel I'm usually one to get my knickers in a twist (At least not seriously. It's kinda fun if I'm joking about it), but isn't this actually offensive? I liked the Official Girlfriend's take on it, "I must have missed that part of The Miracle Worker'." It might have made that movie more interesting, I'll give it that. I guess it's what the kids are listening to these days, and the children are our future. So, as always, that is why I hope to die young.

Actual Good Music

I know it might be occasionally hard to remember that such a thing exists if you read only my various rantings from the last month (Which, let's be honest, is all anyone ever needs to read). Here is a fine example of it, provided by New Zealand's finest, complete with a sexy dance:



Just as a warning, while the lyrics contain no naughty words, they are about adult themes. Also, they are wonderful.

A Short Play Inspired By Cobra Starship

Firstly, if you aren't familiar with the song in question, here's the music video. Sorry about the MTV things taking up valuable on-screen space.

Characters:

Boy
Girl, Good
5 Best Friends (Hers) - Interchangeable

Act I

Girl - It sure is fun hanging out in the corner at a club.

A Best Friend - What?

Girl - Nevermind.

Guy - Hey there. Do you want to go bad?

Girl - No.

Guy - Are you sure?

Girl - Now that you mention it, not so much. Hang on. (Turns to A Best Friend) What do you think of this guy?

A Best Friend - I don't know. He looks kind of creepy.

A Best Friend - And what's that thing he's doing with his voice when he sings the word 'bad'?

A Best Friend - How come we can hear each other over the music now?

Others - Shut up.

Girl - What you're saying is true, but he makes me want to lose control.

Guy - That's right I do.

A Best Friend - Oh, that's all right then. It certainly doesn't sound like you've been roofied. Go on. We'll hang out in the corner without you.

Girl - Thanks!

Act 2 (Call and response)

Guy - I should probably let you know that I'm a convicted sex offender.

Girl - That's okay because I've been roofied.

Guy - This probably violates my terms of parole.

Girl - That's okay because I don't plan on seeing you after tonight.

Guy - So everybody wins?

Girl - Unless your P.O. finds out.

Both - Yay!

Act 3

A Best Friend - Where'd Girl go?

A Best Friend - Who?

A Best Friend - Whatever.

An Important Question

In what is rapidly becoming pop music month around these parts, I present another quick post. I recently found myself listening to 'This Kiss' by probably Faith Hill due to reasons beyond my control, and realized that one way she describes said kiss during the chorus is that it's criminal. Does this mean that the participants are related?