Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Sage Advice

So, once again, I found myself at my place of employment. This time in my official capacity as Company Ambassador of Goodwill and Smoked Fish, I was approached by a woman lacking the normal amount of teeth, who seemed to be operating her shopping cart in a rather military fashion (Here I am thinking of "Left! Right!", not banana republics). She hailed me, so I went over to her and her cart, which featured a large number of bottled sodas carefully arranged in a very random fashion, which flew about and smashed together any time she randomly jerked her cart in a different direction, something that happened approximately two times per second. She then asked me "Can I get a bag to put these in so they won't roll around so much? I'll pay for them up front." Now, would I ever question the integrity of strangers? Yes. Yes I would. So, rather than proffer the requested plastic, I arranged them in a more orderly (Read: A) fashion, which would prevent them from rattling more loudly than the velociraptor pen in Jurassic Park every time she changed course. She admired my handiwork, and then said to me "Thanks, man. Don't smoke weed this early in the morning. It's, um, medical. Marijuana. Don't smoke it."

Duly noted.


your mom said...

It IS good advice, but I have to wonder why all the crazies find you. Have you had a haircut recently? If not, maybe it's time! The hair may be attracting them.

UncleRick said...

It's not the hair. Get off the hair! It's his empathetic aura and his everyman nature. I recommend wandering around the store muttering angrily to yourself...that will either keep the crazies away or attract them like flies. If they stay away, well, mission accomplished. If you become surrounded by crazies maybe they'll share their various drinks with you and you'll never be dehydrated. Win/win!

UncleRick said...

Mike, this woman wouldn't have been married to one of your uncles in the distant past...?

Lemming said...

Mike you have a lot more people (kids) who read your blog now. See when my mom came to pick me up at school one day I was busy beating Dylan at a video game (on Dylan's computer) for the 15th time in a row (30 times in a row now). So my mom let me play a little longer and wandered the school. Apparently she came across a group of kids on computers and told them to go to your blog if they wanted to read something good. Now random kids walk up to me and say my brother's blog is awesome. None of them are actually followers yet, but they read your blog.

HOLLA(R) said...

Oh wow. Uncle Rick, that 2/11/2010 post at 8:07 AM. I'm not saying I spit my coffee out laughing, but I do think you just won at the internet.

And no, not that I could tell.

Also, Isaac, thank you for the heads-up. As you've probably noticed, the situation has been addressed.