Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Wait, What Did They Just Say?

If I may return to pop music for a minute (I know the month is over. I just don't care), I'd like to discuss the song "Don't Trust Me" by the band 3oh!3 (I swear to God, Google says that is the band's name. I will judge them a bit based on that alone. In a negative way). This is getting quite a bit of airplay on the corporate pop behemoths that bestraddle this continent, owing allegiance only to ClearChannel and the almighty dollar. It features a laughable/terrible intro, featuring some low synths and a series of godawful lyrics sung at least 85 decibels louder than they merit. Let's ignore them completely. The song then goes into a fairly catchy chorus featuring the singer adopting a falsetto while the rest of the band goes for your basic four on the floor dance-rock beat. But this is just the first half of the chorus. Here, in full as played on the radio, are the lyrics for the second half. Breaks between lines are the band's, not mine.

Don't trust a
Never trust a
Don't trust a
Don't trust me

Those of you paying attention may have noticed that those are not, technically, complete sentences. Or even sentence fragments. With the beat of the song, if the radio is censoring a word there, that word is one syllable long. So here's a fun game you can play at home if you like: What one-syllable word that would require censoring would fit there? Google lyric searches are cheating. I have spent way more time than is healthy thinking about this, and haven't come up with anything that makes a lick of sense yet, so I am just about ready to conclude that the band got distracted in the middle of the songwriting process (Possibly by a shiny object) and forgot to finish writing the song itself. Somehow this did not hurt its (The song's) marketability. I suspect cash factors into this somehow.

But anyway, this is not even the most unfortunate part of the song. After we go verse/chorus/verse/chorus, per time-honored tradition, it is time for the bridge. Here now are the bridge lyrics, sung by what sounds like the collective extended family of the entire band, over solely a drumbeat (Yes, all the music is dropped to better allow us to focus on the poetry at hand):

Shoosh (sp? Shush? Shhhhhhhh?) girl/Shut your lips
Do the Hellen Keller/And talk with your hips

Now, I don't feel I'm usually one to get my knickers in a twist (At least not seriously. It's kinda fun if I'm joking about it), but isn't this actually offensive? I liked the Official Girlfriend's take on it, "I must have missed that part of The Miracle Worker'." It might have made that movie more interesting, I'll give it that. I guess it's what the kids are listening to these days, and the children are our future. So, as always, that is why I hope to die young.


UncleRick said...

Obviously, "The Miracle Worker" was a cleaned-up version of the Helen Keller story. I should say something appropriately old-fogeyish like "this is yet another example of the fall of the empire" but I think we all know HK was really a tramp. The dumbing down of society continues its rapid spiral. Thanks for nothing, Mike, my head goes back into the sand!

UncleRick said...

If I may Bogart the comment section for just a little longer; MLB playoff predictions? NFL season opening insights? What do you think of the Boston Bruins chances this year? How about those Celtics? Mike? Please? Oh, one more thing: Why does Eva Longoria think she deserves one of those free Heineken Light beers those good-natured doofuses have just been handed in that ubiquitous sports channel commercial? She ought to feel grateful good genetics and good fortune got her a seat in the front row.

Cindi Lynn said...

1. "Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips" may be the closest thing to genius that I've heard in a while.
2. I vote for "dick" as the censored bit. Because you should never trust a dick. If it was a chick singer, I might say "slut".
3. Stop listening to whatever god-awful radio station you are listening to. Seriously.
4. I am reading (simultaneously) The Three Musketeers and The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas. In no way are these two books related, however both are pretty freaking funny. Go figure.

Ben Dandrea said...

I could not agree more with the two comments my great uncle left. However, football is my specialty, so I will handle the NFL predictions now, as my first blog in over a month

HOLLA(R) said...

I've been holding off on baseball for a while now, so I'll take care of that soon. Expect a lot of ranting about defense. And Ben, I appreciate you handling the NFL, as I've got nothing where that is concerned. Though I wish Seymour would report to the Raiders. I'm already salivating over that draft pick, even though I know they'll just trade it for more picks.

And Cindi, I don't think 'slut' is censor-worthy, is it? That's the port that makes it a hard game.

Cindi Lynn said...

ooooohhh! C-word!!!! (I censored it myself)...Oh, that's solid gold right there.

your mom said...

I'm sorry to rain on your parade, Mike, but you come from a mostly
long-lived line :(