Monday, January 4, 2010

People Who Should Die: The SchoolInPJs.com Girl

My apartment is a very modern facility which features both electric lighting and indoor plumbing, so it should be no surprise to you, the reader, to learn that Tivo™ is also present in this veritable treasure trove of technology. I use this service to record many things, all of which are The Daily Show and Good Eats, which I then proceed to not watch until the Tivo™'s hard drive is full, at which point it yells at me to erase them. I usually do, as I do not wish to anger Tivo™. I have found that Tivo™ has other uses besides being a deposit box for unwatched videos, however, as I recently also used it to watch an episode of The Daily Show. And, based on a fairly omnipresent commercial aired during the broadcast, this apparently makes me a sucker with disposable income. Because there is no way a website called Schoolinpjs.com is not a scam. So going forward here, I'm simply going to assume the website in question is not an accredited university*.

*I did a minute amount of research on The Google and found claims that the website in question is owned by Kaplan University, which it conveniently refers people to. Kaplan, in turn, is owned by the Washington Post. What does this all mean? No idea.

I'm not even going to link to the ad here. If you want to see it, you can find it yourself. Suffice to say that it is beyond obnoxious, as the girl greets us wearing pajamas and fluffy slippers, but in a shocking twist, it turns out she's going to college! My God! This will revolutionize everything! Because lord knows people who don't want to leave the house to go to school will absolutely galvanize the workforce once they have their degrees! We are also given, in between repetitions of the website address (Which is also conveniently displayed at the bottom of the screen for the entire ad until it permanently burns itself into your TV screen) bits of HILARIOUS humor. Such as when she advises guys to "Cover up, please". OH NO SHE DIDN'T! You see, it's funny because it's true! I'm not wearing any clothes right now! Time to scratch myself! Where's my spittoon?!? Look here, wench. I hope your pink fluffy slippers catch fire and the flames then ignite a previously undetected gas leak which causes your house to explode. And your final thought will be that you could have avoided this if you went to a real college. Die.

6 comments:

Cindi Lynn said...

You forgot to mention that girls wear pjs to college anyways. I also like your tone. It resonates with me.

Ben Dandrea said...

Hmmm, must agree with you, however a couple notes:

1. You're "OH NO YOU DIDN'T" should be "OH NO YOU DI'NT", but I can let this fly

-also-

2. You're name for the website could not be more embelished, it's obviously FreeEducationConnnection.com. Duh.

Any chances of getting money as an editor for this blog?

HOLLA(R) said...

Ben, I appreciate the fine work you do. If you come to Winooski, you can have a cup of coffee on the house.

And Cindi, thank you for your kind words, but the fact that my tone resonates with you concerns me a bit. I feel I should probably notify the police.

UncleRick said...

Congratulations on completing your undergraduate degree, Mike. You are now the family record holder. Be warned, however, I am considering an assault on graduate school. Does Kaplan University have a graduate program?

your mom said...

Mike, have you been forgetting to take your meds again? Your anger management problem is showing a teensy bit!

Amy and Fat B said...

" My God! This will revolutionize everything! Because lord knows people who don't want to leave the house to go to school will absolutely galvanize the workforce once they have their degrees! "

--- I thoroughly enjoyed this passage. Keep up the good work.